Men are simple creatures. I’ve always thought that. They like simple things, they’re easy to please. Screw them, feed them, shut the F up—for the most part. Give them a remote and a beer and they’re usually A-OK. Well, maybe that’s a bit extreme, but you catch my drift.
From what I’ve seen, when it comes to parenting, those sneaky bastards always seem to have the upper hand. Moms are the boring ones who make you do your homework and finish your food, the ones who make sure the kids have flossed their teeth and taken a bath before bed. What do men do exactly? Aside going to this magical place called “work” every day?
Here are 5 little things that all dads get that can make us moms batshit crazy:
Praise for cooking
“OMG, Dad! These are the best eggs ever! I didn’t know you could cook!”
–insert eye roll straight into the back of head and invisible dagger through man’s chest thinking of how these same kids just throw your eggs on the damn floor….which you obviously have to clean, too–
To not to have to worry all the damn time about every little thing.
What are the kids gonna wear? What are the kids gonna eat? What, when, why, how times infinity times a million.
The mother is responsible for bathing, dressing, meal lunch prep, after school snack prep, basically anything that involves actually caring for said child in the literal sense. Dads cannot be concerned with such things. They worry about things like golf and when they are going to get their next meal. Dad gets to walk in with a big “Heyyy!” and all of a sudden Jesus has risen from the dead while you stand there covered in snot and soup thinking what the hell is wrong with this equation.
What.the.fuck is a “nap” anyway? And more importantly, why do they get them and not me?
The last time I got a nap was when I was laying in a hospital bed. You know, the same day our last child was ripped out of my body. The last time he got a nap was Sunday.
To be the cool one who doesn’t have to drive the minivan.
Seriously. I had to trade in the last cool thing I had left. These kids already took my damn body and sanity, they’ve got to take my cool car, too? Might has well have gotten a hearse, because my life is basically over with.
To Not Have To Play Nurse 24/7
I love my kids oh-so-much but when they are sick I want to dip myself in Lysol. Dear Ol’ Dad isn’t forced to drag them to the doctor’s office into the cesspool of germs, that’s mom’s job…just like it is to hold their hair when they puke…even when it’s on you.